OFF LATE ....

Have been uselessly busy. Nothing new about it, but well, this was more like "aa bail mujhe maar" kind of work I endowed on myself and got into the busy-ness.
Have been confused a little.
Now I finally understand what "having butterflies in the stomach" means, I still don't get what "melts in the mouth" means though.
I realized "bioprospecting" is a misleading and stupid word.
I was almost sure I will lose my memory by the next morning once this week, was a little worried about it in fact, ahhahahaha !
I claimed to dislike a newbie immensely and now I seem to developed a very good rapport with him. Self realization - kindly remember not to discard every person based on first impressions :-P
I haven't spoken to any of my friends since ages, CBag included!
Some friends have found fleeting romances and the rest are rejoicing with the same old same old :-P
Understood the calmness of a gigantic water body and the latent danger it can hold.
Fears of gray, red, paranoia, and mass have risen, trying to dismiss them from my head.
Finally guilt tricked myself into doing some amount of work, really!
Realizing how difficult it is to give into some thoughts that I have been putting away in self denial.
Giving is more happiness.
Got my bank balance to almost zero, although I'm very positive I'll be there soon!
Got new headphones, complete bliss.
Reaching a point where eating food has become boring, unbelievable.
Right now, want to just sleep off but trying to get back to writing so..........
Thats all folks, will write again soon :-) !

We don't name the dead.
Everyone who loses somebody wants revenge, on God if they can't find anyone else.
But in Africa, in Matobo, the Ku believe that the only way to end grief is to save a life. 

lf someone is murdered, a year of mourning ends with a ritual that we call the Drowning Man Trial.

There's an all-night party beside a river. 

At dawn, the killer is put in a boat.
He's taken out on the water and he's dropped. 

He's bound so that he can't swim.
The family of the dead then has to choose. 

They can let him drown, or they can save him.
The Ku believe that if the family lets the killer drown, they'll have justice but spend the rest of their lives in mourning.

But if they save him, if they admit that life isn't always just..... that very act can take away their sorrow.
Vengeance is a lazy form of grief.

                                                                            ......The Interpretor.

Green !

Like never before !
:-)

Why so Pale and Wan?

WHY so pale and wan, fond lover?
         Prithee, why so pale?
Will, when looking well can't move her,
         Looking ill prevail?
         Prithee, why so pale?

Why so dull and mute, young sinner?
         Prithee, why so mute?
Will, when speaking well can't win her,
         Saying nothing do 't?
         Prithee, why so mute?

Quit, quit for shame! This will not move;
         This cannot take her.
If of herself she will not love,
         Nothing can make her:
         The devil take her!

                            ............... Sir John Suckling.

Of persons arrived at high positions, ceremonies, wealth,
scholarships, and the like;
(To me all that those persons have arrived at sinks away from them,
except as it results to their bodies and souls,
So that often to me they appear gaunt and naked,
And often to me each one mocks the others, and mocks himself or herself,
And of each one the core of life, namely happiness, is full of the
rotten excrement of maggots,
And often to me those men and women pass unwittingly the true
realities of life, and go toward false realities,
And often to me they are alive after what custom has served them,
but nothing more,
And often to me they are sad, hasty, unwaked sonnambules walking the dusk.)

                                                                                       ........Walt Whitman.

A Botheration of eternity!

Most often I find myself in a situation where I can't help but butt into a conversation of understanding a point. The whole point is lost when someone is trying to act like a bulldozer (according to GD nomenclature). I dislike it immensely when I do not get to complete what I want to say. Cutting off, is what its called. Of course, it is perpetual quality that I practice with my friends, who swear they could kill me for the same. But that is a different situation altogether. Most often I have noticed that people do not ask me anything. In a way it is good probably, but sometimes I feel maybe its an impression that is set. I remember I used to see people run around to some assholes(sorry but can't help it right now) because of their pompous nature. I guess blowing a horn does help. But I cannot, absolutely cannot tolerate an uljhan occurring in front of me. I have to somehow gather my uljhan ko suljhao rescue team into operation. Go through the foot in the mouth situation (a syndrome common to me and PH) ka repercussions ! I again retire to the line that I have been repeating in my head for the few days "why can't you just shut up!". GOD please rescue me from this torture I say ! 

Mita de apni hasti ko, agar kuch martaba chaahe,
Ke daanaa khaak mei milkar, gul e gulzaar hota hai....

                                                                   .............. Allama Iqbal.          

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 

                                          ............Robert Frost

Cheapsters !

I do not understand this at all. How can some people manage to surpass the cheapometer standard they set for themselves progressively each time? I wish I could be one of those people who can stick to their determination and say "Neither do I forgive nor do I forget". Unfortunately, or fortunately-I don't know, it is with great displeasure that I admit I'm amongst those who forgive easily and probably forget soon too :-/
It is this attitude or inborn trait that makes my life miserable. Making the same errors over and over again. I think I must resolve to not loose my guard and stay focused on forgive and don't ever forget and never give a second chance to the person again !

A Good Evening .....

After hours of pouring into piles of papers, rummaging through every self mailed files on my email account, hunting for images and videos on google, making and remaking and remaking of a handful of slides, making hazaar mental notes on stuff, I FINALLY FINISHED MY JC !!

I was very happy with it. If I were truly being honest about it, I did feel I could have done better or added more detail. Of course, whether I wanted to speak further about them or not, my audience, who were already minimal in numbers, would have reduced to sub-zero :-P 

The best part of it was, I was relaxed about it. I generally never am. I get all fidgety and oh my god oh my god kinds. Maybe because it was more informal, it felt safe and conducive. We were just a bunch of girls sitting and talking about things we know and about those we/I don't. Yes, none of the boys turned up, my boss included. My parasitic castration joke went down the drain with it! :-D

I then followed PH to her usual hangout urf kiosk. It was a lot of fun sipping coffee under the golden-mauve-grey-orange lit sky. Again, another relaxed and peaceful setting. The sky was so beautiful that I kept wondering about how painters or artists capture those colours on their canvas. Mixing of colours, the right way, in the right amounts. Bringing out the plain colours to life.

I went back home, after ascending and descending some buses here and there. :-D 

Although I felt peaceful and ready to hit the bed, the sleeping plan never reached its completion. My mom was one of those lets talk moods, so, I couldn't go ahead with my secretive sin of sloth. Completely exhausted, with deep sunken eyes, here iyyam, writing my blog. Distraction distraction go away, come again another day, little shalu wants to lay, so ..........!

Before I sound more drunk and remotely sober, I shall put and end to this.

Point Blank / Bull's Eye !

Its one of those days, I have been itching to finish writing four to five drafts that I began writing since 1947 a love story ! :-P More so, because I have a presentation to give tomorrow. FYI, I have just finished making the slides for introduction, which I believe will take up more than half the time allotted for the talk! CBag's voice keeps ringing in my head each time I see those eight slides with truck loads of information that I "intend" to disseminate :-/. 

Meanwhile I decided to take a break. I have been taking one for the past one and half hours now by the way :-P. For once I wish I could turn into a pumpkin or something as soon as the clock ticks four in the late afternoon today :-/. I suddenly remembered that PH sent me something to please my ears earlier in the afternoon yesterday. I decided that while I'm anyways vellaofying my precious time, I might as well listen to them. I opened the lyrics of the songs while I was listening to them simultaneously. Before I could finish hearing the songs I ended up reading the lyrics of the entire song. Can't help it with my restless, it sets out of my mind like light waves ! Aneehoooo. By the time I reached the last paragraph of the first song tears already started streaming down my gargantuan cheeks. Stopped right after I finished reading the second song.

Sometimes words, in any form (uttered or on a piece of paper or from a song), feel like they stroke the precise chords inside your head. Like they had access to what you wanted to hear deep deep down. Like you have been waiting for someone to say it out loud just for the heck of it. Not because they carry a promise that things "will" change or be different from now. Because it helps to regain your strength through the reassurance they posit.

I don't know why PH sent me those songs. But they hit the bull's eye in my head ! Thanks a lot :-)

Tick tock. Tick tock ! I shall go back to my preparation. I'm already running late on my set time to finish the slides. Aza Aza fighting :-D !!

You Have an Infectious Smile

You're the type of person who always finds something to smile about. You have a sunny disposition. Your smiling ways catch on quickly, and before you know it, everyone around you is smiling too. Instead of waiting for something to be happy about, you look for something to be happy about. It's a subtle but important difference. Even in the worst of times, there is something you can be thankful for. And that puts a smile on your face.

What Kind Of Smile Do You Have?

Blogthings: Learn Something Surprising About Yourself

       

You Are a Classic Heel

You pride yourself on being detail oriented. You never forget about anyone or anything. You are constantly evaluating your life and trying to improve. You believe in continually making small changes for the better. You hold yourself accountable for your actions. In the end, you have to live with yourself. You are a perfectionist. You notice and are fussy about every little detail.

What Kind of Heel Are You?

Blogthings: Our Quizzes Weren't Written By Bored 12 Year Olds

   

You Are Beloved

You are adored and loved by many. People care deeply for you. You are a great person, and everyone knows it. You are well liked. You go beyond being just popular. You are highly regarded and respected. You are highly admired and cherished. Many people want to be like you.

The Watercolor Flowers Test

Blogthings: A Fine Line Between Insight and Stupidity

       

Lunch table Trivias ! 

A few days ago we were talking about a lot of things. One of them was about being homo-phobic. I was discussing about it with ketchup also one day. Ketchup was the one who pointed out that guys are more homo-phobic than girls. I took a moment to think about it. I did agree with Ketchup but then I wanted to think about it objectively. I did come to a conclusion that most men are indeed more homo-phobic than girls. I wondered why though !!

Is it because their ego and social image ka damage is something they are always gaurding ? Or is it that they cannot go through the whole "what is wrong with me man?" stuff because such an identity crisis could also cause the aforementioned ? The cow went through one such episode. I could tell that although he was pretty flattered, he kept pitching in this "I was scared for my life" sentence all along the story telling :-/. He also seemed highly surprised when I said that maybe I wont freak out if something of the sort happened to me. Initially I thought that I would but then again I realized maybe I wouldn't after all. I kept shuttling between these thoughts and I decided that there is only one way to know and then I finally realised that the possibility of such an episode happening with me shall never arise!

We moved onto how some people consciously or unconsciously become cold when introduced to new friends or meeting known yet distant acquaintances (perceived as cold from people who know that you are a lot more nice as a person in general except around new people). NW keeps shifting personalities with new and known friends. I admitted to the fact that I found it immensely annoying to talk to her initially because I thought that she gave too much bhaav to speak to me then! Same goes for the cow and the new member at the table then. I was shocked aaaaaaaaaaaaaand tongue tied. I sat there as a minority at the table and I didn't have many defenses. The reason being I was trying to accommodate this fact that its human nature to not hold langotia yaar [ :-P] conversations with strangers or even acquaintances. In spite of this I found it hard to believe that such a thing does exist. I thought maybe it is reluctance or plain disinterest or a kindly-bug-off-I-dont-know-you attitude. But it still didn't seem to sink in and make sense. I keep telling myself that I'm kind of a shy and an introvert - at least to strangers iyyam. But I must admit that it only lasts for the first three meetings beyond which it gets extremely difficult for me to not show my true avatar !

Dissecting out the reasons for such a behaviour led us to this topic of how you are bred from childhood and the cultural background you come from. I strongly disagreed to this. I didn't want to sound all forthright and adamant and so avoided avoided verbal confrontation by leaving the topic there. I agree that it could contribute to some extent, but most of who you become comes from your own personal experiences. NW was thoroughly ragged by me and then she gave this piece of information that I reminded her a lot of her ex-room mate (thankfully a person she likes!).

Something happened today, one of my friends came to the campus to visit me. NW spoke a lot to her and then pointed it out herself that she is surprised she spoke so much with her, given the fact that she DOES give a cold treatment otherwise :-D!

I don't have much to conclude from this, but I do know that for whatever reasons, some are more gregarious than others. Although it was  a little difficult for me to digest this, it still is, I came to terms with the fact that the nature of a person is something that cannot be questioned or justified using one or a few explanations. Some like crowds and others avoid it; some are introverts and others are not; some talk more and some don't; some are homophobic and others aren't; a perfect "coffee bite" thing! :-D

I've officially lost "it" !!

Yes, I have! To begin with I didn't have much anyways. But off late, I feel like I have really lost it. If you are scratching your head, then here it goes. The "it" is nothing but my "sanity" :-D

Not very long ago, I had undergone some level of discomfort about the fact that there was no company to socialize and talk about matters that mostly amount to nothing but garbage :-P. So I started a club in my own head. We meet all through the day, have reruns of the jokes that had occurred in the past, jokes that we read about or saw on some show or the ones we overheard/heard from other people's conversations or witnessed a funny event or jokes that are cracked in my parallel world while I'm still conversing with people in a group, etc etc and the list goes on. This kept me occupied and the entertainment value was stellar for sure. The downside of it all was, or still is, that its kind of uh.....hmm......uhhhhhh......ooo.....uhh....ummm....odd, there! I said it ! Yes, it comes off as being a freak show altogether. Of course, we do not care about such notions or firm opinions in other people's heads. Nevertheless, this constant need to conform to the societal norms of behaving normally distracts me sometimes. But I have mastered the art of ignorance is bliss.

The past few days have been hilarious. Hilarious in my head. This is not hilariousness shared with others over a common joke or event. I'm mostly far from it. I have officially lost it, and I'm just not capable of holding or containing a laughter riot inside my head anymore. And so this inability to suppress of course has become more transparent than ever. I just plainly sit by myself and laugh out loud continuously in intervals of every fifteen minutes. The good thing is I'm happy and excited all the time. But the bad thing being, "whats up with you man?" or "what just happened?" or "are you feeling ok?" or the grotesque question mark/surprised expressions, etc etc. 

I wonder then that the world has become so messed up that a person like me can't even peacefully laugh by myself if I wanted to. I mean, I'm not going around bad mouthing others, or calling them names, or behaving badly or disturbing intentionally or affecting their lives in some way. It is so important to join the bandwagon all the time. Be like the rest. I guess therefore you don't get a ride. Because the sense of belonging in a gang is lost. Whatever. Who cares (chuckles) :-P :-D? I don't mind being stationed right where Iyyam :-)

I’ll give you $1 for them !! :-D

Chandler: Oh my God that’s it, that’s the ring! How much is it?

Phoebe: Chandler, I-I will handle this! (To the jeweler) How much is it?

Jeweler:: 8,600.

Phoebe: We will give you $10.

Jeweler:: Are you interested in this ring?!

Chandler: Yes! Yes, but I can only pay $8,000.

Jeweler:: Okay, I can let it go at eight.

Phoebe: We stand firm at $10.

Jeweler:: (to Chandler) How would you like to pay?

Chandler: Uh, credit card. Oh no! No-no, but I left my credit card with Joey. (to Phoebe) Okay, I’ll go get it. You guard the ring.

Phoebe: Okay. (to the jeweler) Listen, I’m sorry about before. Do you have anything her for $10?

Jeweler:: Uh yes, I have these two rather beautiful $5 bills.

Phoebe: I’ll give you $1 for them.

If You're Happy and You Know It :-D

If you're happy and you know it clap your hands. (clap clap)
If you're happy and you know it clap your hands. (clap clap)
If you're happy and you know it then your face will surely show it.
If you're happy and you know it clap your hands. (clap clap)

If you're happy and you know it stomp your feet. (stomp stomp)
If you're happy and you know it stomp your feet. (stomp stomp)
If you're happy and you know it then your face will surely show it.
If you're happy and you know it stomp your feet. (stomp stomp)

If you're happy and you know it nod your head. (nod nod)
If you're happy and you know it nod your head. (nod nod)
If you're happy and you know it then your face will surely show it.
If you're happy and you know it nod your head. (nod nod)

If you're happy and you know it shout "Hooray!" (Hoo-Ray!)
If you're happy and you know it shout "Hooray!" (Hoo-Ray!)
If you're happy and you know it then your face will surely show it.
If you're happy and you know it shout "Hooray!" (Hoo-Ray!)

If you're happy and you know it do all four. (stomp nod Hoo-Ray!)
If you're happy and you know it do all four. (clap stomp nod Hoo-Ray!))
If you're happy and you know it then your face will surely show it.
If you're happy and you know it do all four. (clap stomp nod Hoo-Ray!))

Holi !

Holi used to be my favourite festivals for the longest times. It still is. But lack of company to play this "rango mein ghul mil jao" festival has left me all sulking. I used to run around till late afternoons with eggs and tomatoes smashed onto my head apart from the usual discoloured/ coloured self :-D
Even the thought of old times holi days gives me goose bumps now.
I hope most people I know, who also love this festival, had fun today :-)

A: But you don't have a cat !
B: I could have a cat ... o_O

:-P

Today was one of those days when I revisited my favorite phrase "many a true word is spoken in a jest".

Sometimes a stark and intentional remark spoken in a jest stings you. For whatever reasons, you begin to think of the same dialogue you shared earlier in the day over and over again. Each time you ponder why did they say that, what did they mean, why? and it finally becomes a a moo point (courtesy, joey from friends). But deep within you know why it was said. I guess its the unwillingness to accept the phrase as it is. Denial of the fact that maybe they indeed meant it. It is plain refusal to attribute a reason as to why you didn't do something about it. Why wasn't something said in return.

I guess we make our choices of what we want to be in split seconds in such times. However, the choice made could be interpreted differently by different people. But what the heck. We are mostly happy with our choices. Even if we aren't, the moment is lost and no more progress can be done on it. Ultimately, that split second does seem important! Take your time and be wise for a split second is all I can say! After all we are not asking for a lifetime in such situations.

Random Wonders !

I have been a thorough biologist for the longest of times. Basically, in other words, I have been pretty much ignorant of a lot of things other than that. I was just thinking about how narrow my sphere of thinking is.

I know nothing about the stars, the constellations or the anything to do with astrophysics. I have no clue what kind of questions they ponder on! Nothing, absolutely nothing. It is not just astrophysics, take for example anthropology, economics, sociology, languages, maths, theatre arts, etc. Of course, one might say you don't have to know everything, but then isn't it being a little too clueless about the rest of the world? I feel dumb a lot of times when I sit in my department. There are these innumerable questions that are poured in time and again from several perspectives. There are so many dimensions and levels in which one can look at the same problem, widen your horizons. But I feel handicapped and mentally challenged when at times there is no thought process that is triggered about what someone says or suggests. 

I never sit and think about the cultural issues or its impact on the social structure, or the effect of social structure on domestic lives and the choices you are inclined to or sometimes forced to make. One might sum up and say it is something that has to be driven from within. If you don't feel strongly enough then chances are you might not do anything about it. I'm sorry to say this but I disagree to a certain extent about it. How can anyone subject any length of insults to a parent when all they have done is look after you or been your rigid support and redrew their lines to accommodate you. But on the other hand, it is your life, you at least owe it to yourself to make you happy. I guess this is what they mean by calling certain beings as ABCD. Iyyam a confused desi born in the same des. I wish things change. I wish there is more choice. I wish there is more liberty and less of mental and emotional burden due to societal pressures. I wish there is a life that I can live simply based on my terms. I wish I can be the way I want to. I wish I could say I think therefore I am!

Kuch nai sochthi karke accha ich likh daala meine, none of it which amounts to anything useful for sure! ahahhaa....Like the title says, these are some random wonders. Nothing more, nothing less.

There never was a normal episode ever ! It has to be funny each time. And ...And...AND ...it gets funnier each time too :-D

Mamihlapinatapai - word of the day !

In Yaghan it means "A look shared by two people, each wishing that the other will offer something that they both desire but are unwilling to suggest or offer themselves" !!

I came across the word while I was looking for something else on wiki. Seemingly it is the most succinct work according to The Guinness Book of World Records.
:-)

Communism, Marxism, Capitalism, Socialism ???
Never could understand any of it. Never bothered to read about them either!
Ignorance is bliss sometimes :-)
I have enough troubles reading about things that I kind of understand, leave alone the ones I that I'm not even aware of !
Speaks volumes about my enthusiasm for new things !! :-D

Deja Vous or History repeating itself ??!!

A cow was talking about deja vous today. I felt like really? I think it happens to me sometimes when I see some faces or when some vague events happen.

But "history repeating itself" happened today. I felt like I was sitting in my previous whereabouts with the same bunch of people in it. I wanted to bang my head somewhere!
I decided maybe I should try shooting range classes or something, to vent off my .....

End of the Blogathon !

Honestly I'm not very happy it has come to an end. I have been wanting to write everyday as a rule, not only for the blogathon but to have some notes up the wall about things that I think of in general. Like a diary full of notes on everyday life. The unhappy feeling is partly to do with the fact that I haven't really written everyday but instead wrote every two days.

I must confess that it makes me think of normal things. Not that I don't otherwise, there is loads of garbage loaded in my brain pipes :-P Its just that it was something I used to sit with shareefly and actually gather my rubble into a nice pile and present it. It makes me think coherently (because generally I always wander off in tangent directions!), stick to the point, but look at the theme according to different views, etc etc. Well, I might not have done it to the T but at least it gave me a good start. I don't think I would have done it otherwise :-)

Thanks to ........ for introducing me to the blogathon. I enjoyed it thoroughly! I'm really happy I did this. :-D ting ting ti ding !

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

:-) :-D :-P to all of mine !

In spite of being this belligerent self, I have had the beshtesht bunch of friends ever!

I met up with this cute bunch of people today, they are so much fun! It was a long day. Long day full of fun. Was happy being mean and cracking mental jokes and playing games.If I could have access to something of the sort at least once every week, I would have been a lot more saner in life (laughs, saner or whatever). But it has become something that is too much to ask for right now :-/

I really wish there was more time. 

Thittu !

The word thittu reminds me of this thittu used sometimes - Manishi vaa Balakrishna vaa?
I swear I didn't know this joke for the longest time. When I did I couldn't stop laughing about it for days together :-D

A completely disconnected joke is related to Brahmanandam. The scene shows him holding a news paper and he says to himself - poddhunnay naa bevarse mohaaniki ivaalati paper dorikindhi, akasharam vadhalakunda mottham chadivestha !
I laughed a lot, maybe some other day when I re-watch it, I might not laugh as hard but then I will definitely remember that once upon a time it made me laugh !

Baathaan-waathaan !

Often I hear man maani things in my head when others speak. Like the other day this heavily accented cow said "that boy is carrying an umbrella" and I heard it as "that boy is scaring an umbrella" !

Today NW said - I think it would have to do something with the chimpanzees. While I heard it correctly, I couldn't believe what I heard. I thought really? why did she say that? I went into one of those embarrassing stares and she asked why are you staring at me? I said I'm taking a moment digesting the fact that I heard it correct only ani :-P

CBag would have summed it up as COMMUNICATION problem. I couldn't have agreed more with her on it today. Sometimes I'm tired of the communication part of things. But I guess I must be thankful, given the amount of talking that I do :-/

Oh I also was called as someone who finishes other peoples' sentences !
I didn't know if I should take it as a compliment or as a thittu :'(

One of those bad days where you can pull it together, slap yourself and tell yourself to jerk off the morose feelings or sit and waste more time on it !

The Good and the Ugly!

Today was definitely an eventful day for me. I read (something that is impossible for me to accomplish on any given day), I met some interesting people, I loathed the presence of some hypocritical pricks, and most importantly I laughed with a few friends. I laughed a lot, several times in the same day. Now that is something which doesn't happen regularly to me. I mostly sit like how some of the people WS quotes are 

"Now, by two-headed Janus,
Nature hath framed strange fellows in her time:
Some that will evermore peep through their eyes
And laugh like parrots at a bag-piper,
And other of such vinegar aspect
That they'll not show their teeth in way of smile,
Though Nestor swear the jest be laughable."

I guess I do peep through my eyes while I simultaneously manage to sit like Nestor!

I had the luxury of having company while I was on my way to the university and on my way back home too :-D

NW amazes me in so many ways. She is someone I can actually hold decent conversations with, without having to hold any reservations about anything in my mind. So we were leaving the university and got into a bus that was really empty. This isn't a normal sight for us. One can only imagine our glee at the sight of it. As the bus moved further into the city (yes, the university exists in some god forsaken part of the state), it started getting crowded. 

Suddenly NW said "Man if I didn't have this big bag I would have .......(trailed into mumbling noise)". After I tried to figure out what she uttered, I assumed she was having difficulty holding the bag. I said "Here, let me hold it instead". A split second later, she pulled out a little boy from somewhere next  to her (I didn't have any clue there was one there, because he was out of my visual sight) and placed him in her lap. I felt nice. I felt nice that I know someone who was nice enough to do such a thing. It is always a pleasure to witness such episodes in life. The boy, unlike most kids was super excited to be seated in her lap. A little later, what it seemed like was that he started coughing. I understood he was indeed coughing because, suddenly NW reached out for her bag and pulled out some Strepsils. She gave him one to eat and another for him to enjoy later. The boy was happy of course and held the other one in his hands very carefully. Sadly his dress didn't have any pockets to keep it in. NW was "the Good" in the title today.

A few minutes later, the woman (whom we assumed was his mother) started speaking in the local language. I quickly paid attention. What she said left me bemused and dumbstruck! Apparently she is the boy's aunt. She pointed to a lady sitting in front of us and told us that she was the boy's grandmother. She was wailing, sort of, in a very low voice. She said that the father of the boy had apparently taken the boy's mother and  two siblings along with him. From that day onwards they were unable to find the mother and the children. He seemingly took them along with him and left them in the middle of nowhere. I was shocked. NW couldn't wait for me to update her about what was happening (inspite of staying here for like almost six years, she hasn't learned the language. However she claims that even the mitti of the university knows her!).

The aunt added that they don't know if he killed them or left them somewhere or any other possibility that could have happened. At this point I felt bad about the fact that I could do nothing about it. Then the grandmother turned around to show pictures of the mother and the other kids in the family. She of course couldn't stop crying all through the way. The father, as it turns out, was and still is, blissfully lazing at home and remains unaffected! I spoke a little more to the woman and then they had to get off as their stop had arrived. This is what I call "the Ugly".

Of course, there is never a day when all events balance out each other. I was, once again, left with a pondering question in my head. Or questions rather.

Detective Del Spooner: [sneezes] ... Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit !

Because I care. I do. Maybe therefore it itches me so much to find out. Or not find out for the fear of unknown repercussions !
My taang to whoever it is who said "either ways I'll find a way, or make one!"
Really???
Honestly speaking, do people actually do that?
Call it no courage or lack of spontaneity, I give up. Maybe I should have long ago, because I secretly know I can't ! :-/ :-S

P.S. :-

"Applying fears to hopes, and hopes to fears,
Still losing when I saw myself to win!"
---- Will - Sonnets.

"Solitude scares me. 

It makes me think about love, death, and war.

I need distraction from anxious, black thoughts."
---- Brigitte Bardot.

Do the gaps really matter ? :-/
Currently it is a pun intended question which I guess only I will understand!

Waiting !

I dislike waiting. I'm sure many dislike it too. Waiting for a reason feels a little better. In the sense, for example, you know someone is going to be late (because they were civil enough to inform you about it). So it kind of reduces the pressure on the mind about what is happening and you are aware of the fact that you need to cool off for a while. 

What doesn't feel good or right for that matter, is when you don't know what you are waiting for. Christmas maybe :-S. Like two days ago, I asked my boss if we should proceed with the dissection? He, of course, shares a lot of enthusiasm for work (something I will talk about at length some other time). His quick reply was "yes why not". Then he started staring into his computer. I vellaofied in his cabin for sometime to see if he would jump out of his seat. He didn't seem like he would. Now he is the boss, so I didn't even feel like asking him why he was still glued there ! Worse is, it went on like that for another hour. I kept hopping in and out of his cabin. Still nothing was moving forward. I kept resuming to my quarters in the common lab. The problem is I need to know! I must know if it will take time, or we are not going to do the work, or he is busy, or he forgot and needs to be reminded, etc. A little more waiting and I'm sure one could have seen steam coming out of my head. Actually, if that were true, I wouldn't have been a water balloon that I'm right now :-P. I felt like a kid who was promised a cookie from the jar on the topmost rack and I'm waiting for it to be handed down to me. Not understanding what was the delay for and therefore greedily and expectantly looking at the person for some level of enlightenment on the whole situation. That is how I felt :-P.

I don't understand this constant need to know. It is the same with almost all the things I do. I need to know. If I don't then I go mad, angry, irritated, feel dumb, get bored, try calling friends, ask around for help, do all sorts of haath pair maarna and then finally implode! If at this point someone questions why I hadn't approached the person to start work, I get bombarded into smithereens in my surreal head ! Bottom line, I HATE WAITING!

List of things I wanted to be as a kid - news reader, interpreter, pilot, doctor, actress, architect, writer, journalist, teacher, dancer, painter, ............ a lot more !
The funny (or true) thing is, I still want to be some of these, but why is it that I must only chose one and stick to it ?
I repeat my favourite word in english language or the most used in my case, "WHY?" :-S

Disturbia !

I was wondering how some events disturb you while others don't. Like there are some emotions that take over all of your time and energy and also douse your mental enthusiasm for things. It really is a waste of energy put to bad use (evolutionarily speaking). Because if you look at it, it doesn't really solve anything, doesn't help you to lift your spirits, and other positive things of the kind. On the other hand, it makes you go languid, lowers your efficiency, DISTURBS you mentally, etc etc. Mostly you are engrossed in a mental monologue, dappling images and recollections from past events, ......@%&Y*(I)_O! And Voila, what do we end up with ? Nothing.

I remember one of my professor's lecture where she said that we come up with solutions when we sit quiet. That is when we ruminate best and our evolved brains also work best when we relax and try to be quiet. With other matters clogging the mind, uljhan ko suljhana becomes difficult seemingly.She gave a classical example of a monkey experiment. I found it pretty interesting. So that does explain why people resort to being reticent when troubled with such events. But, are most people thinking of solutions at this point is something that is highly debatable! 

Come to think of it, I was wondering how there might still be some level of mental evolution that must be silently doing its own work. Probably, like Darwin claimed, it is the ones who adapt the best who survive and not the rest. This probably at some level can be explained in terms of patients who find it tough to break out of their shocks/traumas. Or those who have undergone a life changing experience(a negative one) and are unable to adjust to the new environment.Those who are unable to adapt and move on.

Whatever the reason, I think disturbia must be recognised as a lethal weapon. Once you find yourself approaching it, its time to fight against it and do everything in your power to extinguish it. Trapping yourself in it might become like a bad habit. You will not be able to get out, even if you wanted to.

Might not be one of the best things I wrote. But it surely is something I consider seriously very often. It matters to me, and therefore it is on this page :-)

Four Legged Freaks :-)

While I was talking to CBag today, I came up with a supplement to an existing "maybe it is so" theory in my head. The other day I got to escape from work a little early than usual. NW and I made a stop at a regular chai-dukaan. I buy chai when I enter the gates and just before leaving the gates. That is my regular. So, in honour of my useless routine we approached the shop. That is where it all started !

So the theory was about dogs and infants. Yes, my theories of  "relativity" on the evolution of behaviourisms run through far and fewer animals in between :-P. As we were buying our chai-biskoot, one of the stray dogs there came after us. No not to bite us baap. But it did the doggy ishtyle cute stuff - wagging its tail, running around us restlessly, the pay-attention-to-me-don't-I-seem-like-I-need-your-petting look. We tried to shoo it away, but it persisted with the look

NW assumed it that it might be hungry. So, the sweet thing that NW is, she bought a few biscuits to feed it. She tried feeding it. It took it in its mouth and then quietly placed it on the floor. Then it continued with its paapum look again! We both tried talking to it, eat the biscuit doggie, look look biscuit doggie, etc etc. It finally sniffed at it in the floor and then ate it up. We had to do the same cycle for the remaining biscuits. Put it in its mouth-the dog puts it on the floor-looks at us expectantly again-we tell it to eat-the dog eats it off of the floor-then back to putting biscuits in its mouth ! uffffff........!

How does this have anything to do with infants ? Is that what you are asking ? Well, while this whole episode was happening, I suddenly remembered what my dear chuhiya friend told me a few days ago. She said that no matter what plate you put food on, kids will throw it on the floor and then eat it off of the floor. Never do they eat food shareefly from the plate itself! God only knows why that even occurred to me ! Maybe my mind is working like google now a days. Tightly to remotely related stuff are getting gathered up in a few pages of my mind ! Anyways, lets reel back from the diversion, the infant is where I was. So I wondered if its the same with dogs too, eating off the floor I mean. :-D After a brief thought I let go of it, rubbished the thought and headed towards home.

CBag was talking about the exact same thing today. About how dogs don't eat when you hand them the food, they would rather eat/lick stuff from the floor! Some coincidence this, thats what I felt. Right then the supplement that hit me was, you know it could be true, if you think of it. Dogs eat from the floor, infants do so too. Dogs have four legs, infants have four legs(considering the fact that they can't stand upright themselves, so that makes them four legged things). Then I thought OMG, these are the four legged freaks, no wonder they behave alike ! :-P CBag laughed of course, I tried laughing but went off into the comic cloud hovering above my head to think about it for a few seconds. Then I left it at that.

Yes yes, besharam thoughts have no boundaries, they move away while to try to reach the end, they are like the horizon ! Works just fine for me therefore ....ahahahaah ! :-D

Holidays !

The other day when I was sulking about the bike, as I was walking along a long road I indulged in a monologue about "why me ?". It suddenly reminded me of this cartoon strip that has gone viral on FB. It basically reminds you of the fact that while god is on his duty to protect you, there are some stones that even He might miss. Sounds very biblical I'm sure. Every time I read something spiritual or something about god through some or the other source I have noticed that the saying returns to me in a few days as a situational event.

Its not only about reading, my evil brain comes up with some sort of strange intuitions too. Like I might stare at a completely disconnected person and think "sometime I might get to know him/her very well" and it does turn out to be true. This one time I had a very rigid feeling that a particular question will definitely be asked in an entrance exam (mind you, the syllabus for this test might as well be called "everything under the sun") and it did !! Or I might talk about a person for some reason and then think "naaah.....I don't think I'll ever see them" and tadaaaa, I see them the very next day or even worse ON the same day !!!!!!!!

But sometimes I think of good and positive things too. For example, I might  feel lazy and not start an experiment thinking it might not work today and then some or the other technical problem would have arisen later during the day proving the thought that "good only I didn't start my experiment". Most recent example would be of this desire to somehow get a few days off from work so that I can pay heed to my laziness more than usual. Voila ! I have four holidays straight starting from tomorrow ! Hip Hip Hurray ! :-D

No No No ..... I'm not suggesting that I'm psychic or anything, I'm far from all that ! Wanted to share the fact that it feels strange to witness such events and then go "I thought so ! " But it also makes me laugh at myself thinking, inspite of thinking so I still managed to make a gobar ganesh out of myself !

Murphy's Law ??!!

Most times when I used to be one of the early-to-class-shareef-bacchis, I always wondered about how people can walk themselves into a class that started an hour ago. For most parts of my life, I have been like that, until recently of course. There are times when I have reached a class in time when it reaches its closing as well :-D Yes, that besharam I have gotten !

No matter how early I wake up and try hard to reach a particular place on time, something or the other goes wrong and I end up being late. In fact the earlier the target to reach, the late-er I get :-D. For more than a week, I have have been literally falling out of bed to reach on time, and each day I would have boarded a bus with normal sign boards but taking sudden unexpectedly horrifying and lengthy routes and therefore delaying the want to reach early desire :-/. So today I geared up the courage to ask the bike to my father (after the damages I have done to the bike, I have gained little sharam in asking for it again :-P ), of course he handed me the keys without saying much. Ahh! the feeling of riding the bike, its the only thing in the world which I have control on, I can equal its speed to my mind's swiftness and in some strange way it calms me :-P.

There I was humming "I feel good....!" in my head and headed towards the class that I was already running late to. Suddenly this evil thought runs in my head "what if the bike stops somewhere on the way?" I jerked off the bad thoughts and told myself  "shub shub socho". What do you know, it did stop and three people tried kicking it to start but in vain. The situation reminded me of an old poem's lines that I found strikingly interesting from the day I first read them :

Let not thy divining heart
Forethink me any ill ;
Destiny may take thy part,
And may thy fears fulfil.

 Thanks to the whole situation I ended up going late to class by an hour precisely, my teacher and I shared a chuckle and I seriously walked in and sat quietly for the following hour. But wait, the story doesn't end there. I decided to follow Fast track's tag line "move on" and started out towards the next place I had to reach. I took an auto to reach early, forgetting the fact that these attempts are but futile with respect to me :-) and ting ting ti ding, I reached late by an entire forty five minutes of time :-P !! Shalini tussi great ho ! why great means, remember unlucky Brahmanandam in one of the movies?  I felt exactly like that :-D

He said She said :-)

She was sitting on the computer and for a change logged out of the social networking sites and decided to pretend about doing something useful and started checking out classical journals related to her work. Staring at the screen she was imagining about how great it would be if she could sleep somewhere for an hour. 

He walks into the lab like the Id ka Chand :-P. Sits beside her and starts the computer. The hi-hellos are done. While he is waiting for the computer to start, he stares into her computer and laughs. She feels "helloo.....what just happened", but out loud she says "what happened Deepak, why are you laughing?". He says "Haahahahaha.....Whenever I see you, I see you working on your project in an engrossed manner" and continues with the laughter. She thinks, "muhuahahah...little does he know about me and reading, its more like reading? aur mein? kabhi nai :-) ". In a few seconds she remarks "where do I work or read man, half the time I spend in the buses only" and both burst out laughing :-P .

I want to eat cheese cake :-D !!!!

Got the chance to have some amazing Russian Salad today and cherries too :-D !!!
Food is one of my favourite things in the world, in akka telugu ishtyle "bhojana priyam" hahahahha ! There are times when I want to eat because of hunger but the thought of food doesn't let me feel like eating and all the other maddening confusion in the head follows. Finally when I do decide to eat it doesn't really satiate my stomach and there I go and get myself in the same situation in another 3-4 hours again. It is therefore important to mentally have this feeling of sat-ai-ty after eating, haan haan that what my paatshaala's maastar used to say. 

I think I will fall asleep while I'm sitting with this laptop itself :-P. I know I know, when do I not feel sleepy right :-P In any case, the best part in the course of a meal at bangalore for quite sometime used to be this cherry-cheese-pineapple served on ice, delectable is the word and I shall not say further.

Computational Modelling of Emotion Dynamics ??!!

We had this talk on how to simulate patterns of emotional dynamics. The talk seemed quite interesting honestly, I switched off for most of the parts related to mathematical equations etc. But I did get something out of the talk. In fact my strategy of attending talks are primarily to understand something new or to listen to something that I know of or interested in or to acquire knowledge of what certain areas of work involve. Basically if I can at least learn one new idea or an information that might as well be the size of a single sentence then I feel that my time has been put to some good use. 

Most parts of the above talk went over my head :-D But that is fine. I was happy about the whole concept and what this Post Doc was working on. The question is simple, can we model the dynamics of emotions experienced by a person? Now people have done some amount of work in this regard, the only difference being that most works have concentrated on the initiation and the aftermath of certain emotions but there have been no studies about the processes that occur once the emotions are triggered. Now, I wondered how such a study would help, The examples suggested ranged from being able to write books that fits with the emotional curve suggested to elicit the appropriate or pronounced responses in the reader and other clinically useful stuff.

But by the time the talk came towards its end (it almost seemed like it would not because of all the debate that arose from the beginning itself), I felt that maybe such studies at some point will die their own natural death like the cloning studies. Of course, I won't deny the fact that cloning is completely different from studying emotions, but it will for sure instigate a similar response from the general public. No matter how useful the tool might be in using to treat patients struggling from psychological problems etc, it can still be used to predict responses of a regular person who might raise "invasion of privacy" issues. But when I thought about it carefully I realised that it would probably take another 3-4 decades or even more (or a lot less) to capture something as complex as emotions (which by themselves are quite elusive to categorize ) into a simple curve ! I will of course be happy when John comes up with some level of promising studies while I continue to know him, sometimes I can't but feel happy about how exciting science can get like a true geek :-P But who cares really, I feel happy and as I walk out I feel like I got a large dosage of mental boost, optimism, new ideas and revision of the fact that "yes, anything is possible" which is the most important of them all :-D !!!

Familiarity Breeds Contempt ?

I believed for quite sometime that " familiarity breeds contempt ". Today, I was rethinking about it. So I had this tiff with a person from work and then I kept thinking of the others here too. I realised that the more I know of them, the lesser I like them. That is partly why I revised this age old phrase. But then again I wondered about the fact that some people grow on you. Some, are even better, they sort of get sweeter over time, just like wine. Their value in your life, like the wine, also increases. At this point I couldn't decide about which one it is that I'm more inclined to believe in. The debate continued for quite sometime in my mind. Of course, I gave up on the thought at the end, rather I had to as I had to get going with some work. Secretly I know that I'll keep shuttling between the two ideas, I guess more than me the people around me will help decide which one to believe in and hopefully I'll be proven wrong :-)

Memorable quotes ...... Before Sunrise !

I believe if there's any kind of God it wouldn't be in any of us, not you or me but just this little space in between. If there's any kind of magic in this world it must be in the attempt of understanding someone sharing something. I know, it's almost impossible to succeed but who cares really? The answer must be in the attempt.

Sometimes I dream about being a good father and a good husband. And sometimes it feels really close. But then other times it seems silly like it would ruin my whole life. And it's not just a fear of commitment or that I'm incapable of caring or loving because... I can. It's just that, if I'm totally honest with myself I think I'd rather die knowing that I was really good at something. That I had excelled in some way than that I'd just been in a nice, caring relationship. 

Everybody's parents fucked them up. Rich kids parents gave them too much. Poor kids, not enough. You know, too much attention, not enough attention. They either left them or they stuck around and taught them the wrong things. 

I don't know, I think that if I could just accept the fact that my life is supposed to be difficult. You know, that's what to be expected, then I might not get so pissed-off about it and I'll just be glad when something nice happens. 

And of course there are lots more (quotes) that I relate to from this movie. I don't want to fill the blog with too many of them right now (I sense that someone might as well kill me for posting this itself :-P ). I watched the movie a long time ago, when a lot of these lines didn't make sense to me, but when I suddenly recollect some lines it rings this "aaah....so that is what it meant" feeling. There are several other movies that ring similar thoughts in my mind of course, but for some reason I have been recollecting this particular movie several times in the past few days and therefore the enthusiasm to share it :-)

Terminal Retirement of Pilichina Raanantaava ! :-P

I got my first mobile phone around five years ago. It was, however, much later after most of my friends had gotten one for themselves. I remember how I would go searching frantically for songs that can be used as ringtones, play them over and over again to see if the first 30 seconds had no lyrics in them etc etc. Finally, I found THE ONE. The song was catchy, had a good music score and it was (or still isn't) not that bad. Of course my continual usage of the same song has made my friends feel like "thinaga thinaga gaarelu cheydhu" and I always wondered why it couldn't have been "thinaga thinaga vepa thiyyaana". Its unfair that the whole world (which for me is my friends) would gang up on it in such a biased manner ! Unacceptable.

Secretly, I have in fact considered changing it several times myself, but like most human behaviors I got habituated to it, so much so that when I changed the ring tone to something else others had to tell me that my phone was ringing :-/. I used to set it as my alarm as well. Initially for a few years it worked and I would wake up in a split second. My smart brain however got habituated to the alarm as well and it successfully woke people around me on time, while I on the other hand I continued with the sleeping bliss.

If anything, I'm scared of sleeping for my own good. There are times when I stayed up all night just so I don't forget to wake up in the morning on time! Of course, a lot of times I have gotten horrible verbal spankings for the same, and when asked about why I got late I always felt like a fool. What can I say, "oh ...I overslept so ..." khel khatham dukaan bandh would have been the consequences (the fact being I did say that a few times and got bashed up like anything :-S ) ! I feel like Joey in one episode where he is trying to come up with a lie about taking a leave or why he was late and Phoebe is teaching him how to lie. Each time he comes up with this racoon's story, its hard not to laugh at it, especially because I feel like I would have done something similarly foolish too!

In any case, this is to say that I have officially bid adieu to my old ringtone guys ! You can now rest in peace. I honestly don't know how I'll rest though, frankly speaking its like "the haunting" song for me. There are times when I have hallucinations of the song ringing in the bus, or while sleeping etc. Hopefully my habituation fails me and I shall start afresh with the new song :-)

Splendid Visages of Happiness !

Something there is about a happy face. It lights up everything around you and can be contagious too. They look like the dancing gerbras to me, full of bloom, vibrant and full of life ! It instantly puts a smile on my face and I like to think of it as a kodak moment that I have luckily caught on sight :-) The feeling is more exciting when you are responsible for the same in another person. Like the other day, we celebrated one of my friends' birthday who has been feeling listless with the worries of life, she was so happy and surprised by all of it that her ear lobes changed rapidly through several shades of pink to red ! :-D It felt like, roger roger mission accomplished over over, in the end :-D

Leaning tower of Bus-aaaah ??!!

So I have traveled a lot throughout my life. No no, not the fun refreshing waala traveling but rather commuting to "temples" of learning :-P. It all started when I was at the age of three - from school to +2 to BSc to MSc and OMG even now ! So my father smartly bought a place to live which is like five minutes from his place of work. I have no issues with the home or the place(falls under the remote areas) honestly, its just that it is far from the rest of the city or the world even. It takes forever to reach any area of higher urbanization value than our own.  I therefore depend on public transport mostly to get to place I need to go. Lately I have realised that with increasing age the amount of time I spend in traveling in buses has increased progressively :-) .

I kind of like having my own space. I struggle consistently to remain at a spot where I wouldn't endanger another person's life with the possibility that I might fall on them or trample their feet and other issues of the kind given the massive physical built that I have. This is of course when I don't get the luxury of a seat in the bus. The funny yet irritating part is that others don't seem to share the same thought. I do get all icky with people falling on me and I keep moving away but you can only rescue yourself so much beyond which there is nothing that can be done! I try to strike the thought of practicality that "oh the bus is crowded or oh she/he is not doing this on purpose, etc" .

The worst is when people LEAN on you. Like some people find it highly easy to just take support of your body than to stand balanced by themselves at another place in the bus. I personally find it difficult to carry my own weight and body around, leave alone having to deal with others', be it in a bus or otherwise too. Like I mentioned I go easy on people when in a crowded bus whether I'm sitting or standing. But off late I have realised that there is some sort of vicious cycle or call it Murphy's law that has been happening recurrently, rather always ! I see that the conductors are always leaning on the seat against mine, whether it is a crowded bus or an empty one. I feel like I'm rendering some sort of magnetic powers to places where I'm seated or make it seem more comfortable but I honestly hate this activity. I feel like this universal wall or something and I constantly find myself yelling in my head "OMG there are several other seats in this bus, why me, why not that one there, there is more space there, I mean I'm practically leaving no space left to feel comfortable here, hello....the bus is empty why can't you simply sit there and finish writing or counting or whatever it is that you are doing, wouldn't that be more comfortable or nahiiiiiiiiiiiiii not again, not here, please leave me alone and be seated peacefully ! " And suddenly two days ago this sentence rang in my head "Shalu, digest it, you are the leaning tower of bus now! " :-P

A Bug !

There is something about bugging and me. I constantly keep speculating about why some people are bugged easily, why some aren't and even worse some are indifferent towards it and ignore. I was wondering how powerful a person must be, or how buggersome rather, to be able to bug someone who is generally indifferent towards it. Or probably such a person holds a decent position in the other person's life and therefore gets bugged.  After successfully reaching conclusions that might as well be garbage, an evil yet chillar thought arose in my head. I wanted to have such a power over a person ! Yes, such chillar-good-for-nothing wishes also cross my thoughts :-P. I finally distracted myself by calling a friend, and she spoke about how her better-half is patient by nature but she manages to bug him nevertheless :-) I told her that she is lucky to have such a power. After discussing the theory I was thinking about a minute ago she burst out laughing, unfortunately the conversation got interrupted as her boss hovered around her at that very important discussion waala moment ! But I realized later that I do possess this power, I constantly do that to my father, bug him I mean ! hahahahaha .....funny but true :-D

Driving on the pavement !

I find myself bugged every alternate day (yes, literally every alternate day) when I walk in our university's campus. Why bole tho, people have started driving on the pavement. God saved my life literally when this one guy really passed through a hair width's distance the other day. I was playing one of my favourite songs set at the maximum volume in my ears, so I didn't realize that the vehicle was approaching. Now why the hell would I want to look around if someone is going to drive along the pavement of all the places ! Fine, even if I were supposed to be alert at a place like Antartica as well, why the hell didn't you honk you __ __ __ (dash dash dash) ?!!! The worst reply I got for confronting one of the __ __ __ (dash dash dash) for driving there was "madhyala keli vachhina andukay"  !!!! Avakkaiyyara happened :-S

Lost in Narration !

NW says - "you know that is exactly what I think and there is this hmmmmmm(pause)________uhhhhhhhh_______ (longer pause)"

She is wearing a vacant stare on her face which is fixated on the ground below.

She is probably thinking about what to say or frame her words well before uttering I assumed but then my brain waves hit the problem bang on.

I petted her on the head and said " Nnnnnn !!!! You forgot what you were saying didn't you ??!!!! " :-D

We burst out into laughter !

Gees started out with a good story too and stepped into the trivia of how the story started altogether, explaining all the nitty gritty details of the wheres and the hows. She led the conversation pretty smoothly I felt and then abruptly she goes ".......uhhhhhhhhhh______(pause) and I forgot why I was telling you this ! "

o_O :-) :-D !!!!

Time is running out ! 

Have blog for today.

This word time reminded me of the song "Time after time" by Cyndi Lauper. 

Heard it recently in a movie about school friends who meet up accidentally after a long time. I loved the movie. It brought so many memories from school. This partly also explains the reason why I posted my previous blog. Friends are precious. At least for me they are. I constantly find myself missing and longing for them. 

I now wonder why we didn't move around like a fight-club-dada-type gang, fall into trouble or pick up fights with other gangs. But I guess we had fun in our own way in spite of not having such episodes. Mental-thanam in people is what I miss the most. Probably that is precisely what I look for in a person before I decide to be friends with them. Like the saying goes, It takes one to make friends with one :-) 

There is too much sense and logic put into every thing that is said, read or looked at. No room for bakwas and random rubbish anymore. There were times when I felt that I lived with an overload of such things, ironically all I seem to look for right now is precisely the same. I agree completely with one of my friends who quoted " The only privilege of friendship is to talk nonsense, and have your nonsense respected " :-D
 

Making friends seems like a goal far out of sight, taking the initiative to talk to someone new looms like a major sooli in fact. There is too much thought process put into being socially, politically etc correct ! Like she says in this movie "Why do I make everything so complicated?" A friend explained that maybe I have the "foot in the mouth syndrome" !!! Probably she is right, I never thought I would get to where I'm mentally right now in terms of speaking to people in general or at office zones. While I was reading about the syndrome I also found out that I constantly grill myself with - curse of considerate clarification as well ! I'm doomed :-/

There is either a dearth of mad people in general or I have met all the mad ones there could have possibly been in the world and I must therefore remain thankful that I did and not expect to see anymore. Either ways, there is always this hope, keeps me moving forward with some level of optimism and expectation. Aage Bado and You never know(in gees words) basically.

A lot of falthu memories from school seem to have gathered over time.
What fun it was to be around with friends, carrying zero cares of the world, moving aimlessly across the school grounds and talking rubbish (I still practice this one feature :-P). I remember running along the corridors and refusing to take the stairs that led to the terrace. They were rumors of a ghost parading the school. So we would climb three to four steps in gangs, to avoid close encounters-motto in action was united we stand and divided we fall,  and quickly run down yelling "bhooth bhooth!". Probably it was just another random outdoor sport we liked. Also, during the same time, an earthquake hit our city. Now this event only added more "masala" to the bhooth concept. The telugu word for earthquake is BHOO-kampam. Kids spread around the latest addition to the list of rumors that this bhookampam also erupted from the terrace in the school. Basically, the terrace was a big no no (hmmm....makes we wonder if these things were spread about by the school's management to keep us away from the terrace). My memorized list of telugu vocabulary at the time, or any other language for that matter, was on the lower end of the spectrum. I associated this BHOO-kampam as another BHOOth and happily accepted it to be a friend of the already existing bhooth. Such was my evolved brain, har tharaf man maani, kuch bhi suno aur kuch bhi samajh lo offer :-) Hahahhaha.....surprisingly I do so for a lot of words even now, I guess old habits die hard!

After passing out of preparatory school our madness with the bhooth stories got better and more refined. We didn't want to end it with climbing down a flight of stairs, a Fellowship of the bhooth pakdo mania was called into action. We would wait after school hours till the school was almost empty and run through all the buildings in the school. I remember clearly well that we moved around like the penguin spies in the movie Madagascar. Of course, we maintained good records of everything we observed, a daily journal made out of a fresh notebook covered with a glossy brown paper AND a sticker on it was updated regularly. Every rubbish noise or event was a potential poltergeist, theories were developed, inferences from the already collected data were established, spooky stories were recounted to upgrade our fears-just to increase the losing spirits of the members in the fellowship. All the results added to one explanation and one explanation only- the church.....and the graveyard beside it! We speculated that the evil arose from the graveyard and soon would take over the school and haunt all of us because some kids threw stones beyond the wall separating the graveyard from the school. The evil were angered. But how do we prove this? For several days we wandered across the school, tried to sneak into the graveyard - such efforts went futile because our watchmen yelled at us for performing foolish stunts, and other ideas of the kind were implemented. As with most other jobs taken up as kids-attention deficits crept into our lives, basically that "life is calling where are you" happened. Other distracting projects came up and I cant seem to recollect what our precise conclusion was-I guess the starting was neat but the ending was a bungled up job :-P.
But who cared really during those times....we weren't answerable to anyone about it ....we did it out of fun and stopped when it didnt make any sense and therefore stopped being fun.....Sigh.....I wish I could incorporate such an ideology in my current work !