So, lately people ask me if I have shifted my base to the U.S.A. Why bole tho, I changed my sleep wake cycle again! Sleeping in the morning.... working in the night kind of a schedule.
I can't even begin to talk about the good things about working late.
I get to have the whole lab for myself, everything is quiet so I can think better, etc etc.
But then there are some unusual treats of working this late as well, pleasant surprises, sometimes even splendid! I went out to take a stroll three hours ago.
There is this stretch of open space beyond the lab, nicely covered with a lot of autumn leaves still lying there and since there have been rains, they take this earthy dark brown to light brown colours which is both nice and sometimes a little annoying to look at.
There are a lot of tall trees, whose leaves fall asleep, flanking all three sides of this open space.
I looked at the long dark open space, felt a little eerie (the added cold air was not helping in any way to this eeriness), and then I looked up.
I was just dumbfounded for two minutes.
I could see a big expanse of sky right above the tall trees.
The view was like a movie screen, with trees occupying one third of the screen and the rest was filled with sky.
The sky was prussian blue in colour , with tiny misty dotted stars, misty as in, they didn't look like bright crisp dots but they had this fuzzy light around the central bright shine.
It does not stop there, there were misty looking clouds too, very very light-see-through ones, in flimsy, tiny patches all around, and then there was this brigade of bigger ones than these following them!
All these were moving not too fast and not too slow.
But I could see them move like tiny whales above me, clearing patches of misty starry sky as they moved ahead.
It is difficult to describe the "magic magic" feeling about it.
It can most definitely be seen in some anime images of the night sky.
So, perks of working late I tell you is one of these magic magic views of the star lit sky. I will talk about the early morning magic some other time.
I was watching this movie "Lost in Austen" the other day. Needless to say I like the story "Pride and Prejudice". The Lizzie character is so.... very....ante no words anymore. Must have been difficult in those times to be as smart and not taken for granted. Come to think of it, it has not changed much from back then to now! I can see the same saga almost every other month at some point or the other where strong women are loathed or hated. Why!??
Anyways, I liked this version of the movie too. I would say if you are bored, and want a mild twist to all things in the tale and despite this end up liking the movie, then one must certainly watch it. Throughout the movie I was looking at the main character's hair! Yes, while so much was happening in the movie I was consistently, through every frame, looking at her hair! How come no one seems to be bothered by it ani :-/
Anyways, I always knew why someone like Darcy could fall for Elizabeth. I mean, clearly, what about her isn't worth falling for? She is smart, has integrity, carries herself with such aplomb, etc. But what does SHE fall for in a man like Darcy is something I never really understood. I thought the same while watching this new version of the movie. I had to question my memory while I had this conflict of thought. What did I miss about his character sketch karke. I had to therefore question my old age issues that seem to be growing at hand as well! Beware, senility ahead. That is probably the sign I must carry is what I fear now a days about.
Anyhow, I think I have come across a person like Darcy. No, I have not fallen for him! The reason I even thought of why Elizabeth falls for him is because I was thinking about how rude this Darcy-look-alike guy is. I watched the movie two days ago, and today abruptly I was thinking why some people are rude. Therefore I had this drawing-parallels-between-the-two episode in my head. Wondering why or what could be attractive about such people in general. Is it because he is honest, despite his genuine supercilious behaviour and attitude? Someone might explain it to me sometime maybe. I'm really confused! Yes, I have lots of time on hands too!
But there was one other thing that the actress says which made me think. The courtship was at such a slower pace back then. I mean it is still the same here in the country. But really? What is it about this sort of a ball game? I was just wondering where would I place myself between slow paced and fast paced? I guess I know the answer but I don't want to admit it to myself. Samai ke saath chalo, ab ki baar modhi sarkar! very sad PJ, but somehow couldn't help it!
I will bid Adieu with a musical note this time. Some dear friends have left indelible notes in my head, this is payback time for the music they have implanted in my life :-D
I don't know why .... but this old saying that my aunt used to keep saying ringed in my head just now. Makes complete sense, this saying now, but put in a different style of course. I never understood it as a kid, and I wondered why she wanted to talk about her bawa's cycle? My belief was she never had one, to begin talking of one.
You see my concept of a bawa was very filmy, the one whom you might get married to, or have a crush on or the one whom you don't want to be married to or around whom girls are supposed to act shy and stuff.
Asalu, the concept of a guy having a bawa was hilarious in my head therefore!
Anyways, here goes the saying "sokulaku maa bawa cycle konnadu, cycle ekkaboi sandhula paddadu!"
Has strong biblical references, but my school days have left me trained to un-notice these things anymore, rather they are nostalgic really.
I first heard it in the movie Sister Act. Oh did I ever mention I love Whoopi Goldberg? Well, I do. One amazing actress. One thing I always wondered is why do such amazing actors and actresses stop spreading the joy of their art so soon? I guess they have their reasons, but what to do yeh dil mange more! :-P
Off late I have been hibernating, just for the heck of it. Not because of any valid or arguably valid reasons. Well, I actually think I have reasons, but then I mostly live in self denial too.
I kept wondering how very small things have the potential to change your emotional status for any given day. Not to forget how these so called very small things can also lift your spirits so high that you feel like you are soaring like an eagle. Well, I mentioned eagle just because it is a saying, I wonder how eagles see though. Reminds me of my thesis question this. Oh no, distraction, I shall focus.
So, small things can destroy or can make your day. Today, in the morning I was down, again feeling useless. But right now, I'm all elated. All because of one sentence "she has become normal now" - refers to me doing OTs in the lab. Ento, really!
The thing being, we were just having a class on neuromodulation. Powerful things these. It is of immense importance. The one thing that is so complex that trying to define the same feels like posing philosophical questions. Like, I'm happy today, what does that mean? That there is no sadness left at the moment, or no sadness throughout the day? is that even possible, to have only one state of mind or feeling throughout the day? Exactly what is being happy? How would you quantify such a thing? What scalometer will you use? Does being happy mean the same to all the people in the world? What physical gestures would you propose that show happiness or is it just a state of mind? Oh don't even start on the whole "what is mind?" business.
Potential. This is what holds the key to a lot of things. Potential. Everything intrinsically has a potential, the external or every worldly factor and the internal factors. They are just waiting to blossom or bombard out. They just seem to need a trigger. Sometimes the triggering thresholds are high, sometimes too small. Now a days the thresholds that set me off or onto things seem very small, not a good sign, but also a good sign for so many other reasons. I'm beginning to wonder if I have always been like this. Hmm.....I guess these things are for laters.
But what the hell, its Oh happy day (more like oh happy night!) in my head right now. Now I shall suffer the ringing of this song in my head, also maybe abrupt vociferous besura singing of the same too. God save the rest of the beings around me :-P! Oh happy daaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy.......Oh happy day!
This is just to say, I shall try and write more often. Yes, yes, CBag! I always say the same. So true! :-P
I bid goodbyes for tonight with this :
My eyes already touch the sunny hill,
going far ahead of the road I have begun.
So we are grasped by what we cannot grasp;
it has its inner light, even from a distance –
and changes us, even if we do not reach it,
into something else, which, hardly sensing it, we already are;
a gesture waves us on, answering our own wave ...
but what we feel is the wind in our faces.
------------- "The Walk" by Rainer Maria Rilke
there are times when I want to know the point
there are times when I want to know what is the point
there are times when I want to know where the point is
there are times when I get the point but it is highly unacceptable or digestible
there are times when the points are too much to take or too shallow to continue with
there are times when the points blind to nothing
there are times when the point is too little to hold on to
there are times when the point is useless
there are times when the point is proceeding to nothing
there are times when the point is loaded with crap
there are times when the point is just inexplicable
ultimately the point eludes me and makes me feel like it is not worth it
but the point seems to keep moving forward
and worse, it takes you along with itself, with or without your consent.
Blind obsession. Sometimes good. Sometimes bad!
I cannot decide which of these it is right now!
Maybe it has reached a perfect balance, situationally. Wow, and I never thought I could have one, in any form!
(I miss having this poster, was a beautiful reminder every morning, also for those who entered my room :-P).
Wondering cloud above my head: what about those who ARE listening, which population do they belong to?
Most conversations I hold are about a self - mostly not myself though.
My resolve - run away like the rest, when they ope their lips!
Or refer them to a psychologist else ask them to pay me for it.
Funny people are all I know of. Maybe I'm stupid too. Was amazed at a friend recently. Totally misunderstood what I was referring to and she I guess was happy with what she misunderstood. Because that would have meant, lesser bhoj as they call it in hindi or lesser emotional baggage as they call it in english.
I need air, I feel suffocated.
But I guess I need to breathe by myself.
Another note to Myself, also very important:
Know and identify what is yours. The rest mustn't, almost most times, be looked at, heard to, and spoken to.