Monday, 12 August 2013

Just because a choice was given to people they start to feel off like this


They take it in their hands that your life is in theirs! And think that if they decide otherwise you might end up like this :


Some credit must be given to the possibility of possessing a stronger and more rational mind in others I feel !

Thursday, 8 August 2013

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjh20uFlzKI

I dedicate this to a certain someone in my lab .... whose presence is like what the song is about !


Tuesday, 6 August 2013


To BE or NOT to BE is the question !

I have been pondering. I have been pensive. I have been scared. I have been happy, excited, felt wonderful, although briefly, too !
So with all the mixed emotions, I have been confused as well. Talk about human physiology that can really be mean to you that way :-/
With all of the above happening in the body and mind, I forgot to enjoy the "present" of course. Why is it that such emotions so strongly hamper the beautiful things happening around you? 

A dear couple of cousins are in town. I haven't spent a meaningful little amount of time with them. I say this not because I didn't physically get myself to be present there. I was there, but it was meaningless. I wasted time, both mine and theirs. Have been a real spoil sport. But today, I breathed in and out, shook off the emotions that were bogging me down, looked around and felt very happy. What I majorly did was to continue doing what I was supposed to be doing for myself, work on my hobbies, do my work, entertain my family, spend time with them apart from continuing to be in my mental verbal vaagjaal. I freed myself from it. Took a look around, identified, recognized and appreciated what I already have at hand. There is so much love, which I seem to be warding off. Sometimes I don't understand why I get so angry and say and do things that are not meant to be. At heart, I only want the best of things for everyone who showers me with loving and caring gifts, and for most others too. 

Note to the self : Do not abuse that which is present, some things are too priceless. Know their anmolness and retain them so!
Hugs and Kisses to my sweetheart family and friends. :-)

Friday, 5 July 2013

The Clouds and the Purples !


I have always liked UV's color. Especially the one you can notice in some tube lights.
That white mixed with a tinge of purple in it, radiates a fresh brightness. Can't explain that purple-ness either, it seems like some sort of an unreal thing. You can only notice it around the edges, you can feel it, you know it is there, but the moment you want to capture it, it blurs your vision and you have to try hard to find that tinge, so elusive. The only way to capture it I feel is around the edges, repeating it again anthe :-P

Those Yellow bulbs, which are all yellow and gloomy, they have a sort of unfriendly brightness in them. It feels like some sort of torture to be around it. It gives me the impression of something scorching down on me, too intense, doesn't let me concentrate, irritates me a little, makes me uncomfortable. I just feel like leaving the room then. But then again, the same yellow-ness in a deepam is so pleasant. I wondered why it is so. My only excuse, which barely serves the purpose of explanation, is that maybe because it is more natural :-P. Or probably they are not so intense like a bulb. There is just enough light, enough to make you see things, enough to know what is around you, doesn't throw too much light on the rest. Its like meeting those people who don't talk too much rubbish, just about enough, so you can bear to be around them and feel happy or sad or whatever, but still pleasant enough. Not too much information to process, or too intense, very unlike the yellow bulb!

I also like those orange-ish street lights. They make people and things around them pretty I feel! Of course, this is my perspective alone. It casts some sort of beauty on things and people. Eyes shine brighter, hair shines brighter, wonderful thing being....you can see the shine in the eyes in this light! Somehow I fail to see this in normal light. Or maybe its my general demented version of how I see things. I often enjoy walking along some streets where such lamp posts are there. Especially when the air is a little less than chilly, or when it just rained an hour ago, or along a nice water body, so much fun! Peaceful! Relaxing!

The rest are associated with other rubbish - red light, pink light, blue light! These are lights that you don't get to see often. Not in homes, not in public. Maybe because of all the other "negative" connotations associated with them. But the only time I really enjoy seeing them is in some shadi and other festivities at homes. Those serial bulbs, awesome! I can spend the whole night looking at them, like a kid amused with something! I guess green is one other color I missed to mention, I'm neutral towards it. Doesn't ring any bell, except when I think of those low-resolution-shot-in-the-dark videos that are made to bring in the concepts of ghosts and their apparitions!

Having deviated enough from what I actually wanted to write about, let me begin with it now! 

So I got up and, rather was awake through the night till early hours, I went out onto the terrace at around 6:00 a.m. Lovely morning it was. Clear sky, filled in a lightest shade of royal blue, not to mention a pleasant breeze. I turned around to soak the entire expanse of the sky. I laid my eyes on the UV-ed moon! It was shining like a crescent tube light. I never thought that moon could look that way, like a UV tube. I was all happies! Then I saw some clouds, the ones that look like ripples on the sand (cirro cumulus). Arranged like some sort of steps to the sky. They were purplish too! :-D 

I went out one hour later, the sky was now all different. No moon of course. The clouds were so different now. Still purplish-greyish in color. Only, now they looked like some cloaked people moving in the sky. Like the cloaked dementors in Harry Potter series.  They were a lot closer in height to the earth, I could see that very clearly. Moving like some evil structures, massive and evil structures, that grow bigger as they move closer to you. (stratus)

One hour later, the sky was filled with those club shaped ice-cream tops kind of clouds. Tiny ones, all arranged like steps again. Perfect in shape. Although by the time I thought of capturing them, they got disfigured a bit of course. I remember mentioning the line "dheennay vanilla sky antaaru emo". Of course, CBag thought it was very filmy :-P

One hour later, with dwindling concentration and lack of sleep, I refused to look at the sky and walked to my room and I slept off. 

I woke up late in the evening, thought of motorbiking my way home. I have to pass this flyover very close to the university. I was driving along the upslope, and the sky opened up more and more like this mounting and expanding vision. That was one amusing and breathtaking vision of the sky I had. Filled with purplish-greyish-lilac clouds! Like the color of a Brinjal's flower. The whole sky was filled with it! These were bigger clouds of course. 

I saw those clouds, spent a few minutes wondering what color describes them best. Failed miserably at it. Then suddenly realized to enjoy the vision instead. I drove down the flyover and I thought, not a bad day of clouds at all. They have amused me throughout the day, from dawn to dusk. I called it the day of clouds and purples! 
:-D



Tuesday, 28 May 2013

Just some Ignorable thoughts!!

I think its for the first time I realize what loneliness means. Especially so about when people quote about how you can have a 1000 people around you and still feel lonely. A friend wrote about meeting people who are family by choice and family by blood. What is this family? Is it someone who is with you no matter what? Is it someone who shares stuff with you? Is it someone who stands by you and vicariously suffers with you? Is it someone who has unconditional love for you? Someone who provides or fends for you? Someone who accepts you for who you are? What is this family? It is such a funny place this world. If you do something for someone, either the opposite person feels obliged to do something in return or cannot accept it as a thoughtful gift or rather diabolically questions the reasons behind such an innocuous attempt to make you happy. Worse are the kind who do things for others and expect something in return! I don't think I have it in me to face this faceless and pretentious world. But somehow I have always had signs, right when I stop having faith in some things or when I cannot take it anymore. There was a time when I would laugh at this "signs" concept as a kid. Over time I started believing in it. Co-incidental phrases, either from movies or random people talking or other situations of the kind, have always had a way of pacifying my thoughtful and pensive moods. Just when I was pondering about life and what it means and the purpose behind it, I watched this movie that inspired me to do something substantial. Right after that day, while remnant pessimism was still haunting me and while I continued to doubt this "sign" concept rather unwillingly, I watched another movie which reminded me about how I was in the right path then. Confession: I was watching Exorcism of Emily Rose :-P. NO. Not about the God delusion etc stuff. But about how sometimes of all the randomized events that could have occurred, you were at a point in life when you were at the right time and at the right place, in other words in the right path. 

I felt happiness is highly overrated. Now I feel peacefulness will soon join its bandwagon!

Friday, 29 March 2013

Ento !
38 page views from Russia this week and 19 yesterday alone !! :-S


Its been twenty whole days since I last posted about writing!
And and and I did not move an inch in that subject :-/
Sometimes I just don't want to read. Like I have been feeling for the past TWENTY days. 
I haven't written a line towards my thesis, or even think about it. 
There are lots of other rubbish that I have been thinking and dealing with. 
Future is so promising and distasteful at the same time sometimes, maybe that is because of my continual "be practical" attitude that blurs out the good parts that could also exist. In other words, borderline extreme pessimism.

I guess right now, I could let bygones be bygones or say "fast track" to myself (move on).
Buckle down time!

Friday, 15 March 2013

Fear, Loathing, Anger, Disappointment, Dissatisfaction, Real+Imaginary Issues, and the list just goes on and on and on !

Friday, 8 March 2013

Submission!

In my head : "So, Shalini, next weekend we can ......."
(before the rest of this ends, my thoughts barge in and think, oh my god, by next weekend? Really? Oh my god again! Does he want me to submit a part of it or the whole of it?
Gosh, I knew he would say something like this, Naheeeeeeeee!!!!).

In reality: So, Shalini, next weekend we can all go to Ananthagiri Hills by train and spend some time there. We could do some trekking and hiking if possible. 

Me: Oh, thank God! I thought you were asking me to submit by the end of next week.

Reply: Yes, on Friday you submit and on Saturday we can go out on the trip.

We burst out laughing!